Despite growing up in Orange County, I never managed to go to Medieval Times. It’s a dinner show with knights on horseback staging a medieval tournament. Last month in Las Vegas, Katie talked me into going to the Tournament of Kings at Excalibur, which is the same type of show.

[Knight from Excalibur'sTournament of Kings]When you purchase your tickets, you’re assigned a country. (We got Hungary, which seemed appropriate for a dinner show.) This determines two things: your seating area, and which knight you’ll cheer for. People got really into it, cheering on their own knights, booing others, all from a random assignment. About halfway through the show, I realized it was a Drazi scarf situation.

The Drazi leaders.To explain: The Babylon 5 episode, “The Geometry of Shadows” features a conflict among an alien race called the Drazi. Two factions have been fighting each other on the station, and the crew wants them to stop. The Drazi ambassador explains that every few years, they put a bunch of green and purple scarves in a barrel. Each Drazi reaches into the barrel and pulls out a scarf. Green Drazi form one faction, Purple Drazi form the other, and they fight until one side wins, becoming the dominant political force for the next few years.

The episode was clearly meant as commentary on politics, but here in the dinner tournament was an actual case where nothing but random chance determined allegiance. It wasn’t even a random draw for a team, this was just the cheering section! For a scripted show!

[Pirate]Last weekend we went to the Pirate’s Dinner Adventure for Katie’s birthday. It’s a similar setup, only with pirates instead of knights, a smaller arena so that you can actually see the actor/stuntmen’s faces, and a more interactive setup. (There are contests where they get willing audience members to participate, kids get to be sworn in as members of the pirate crew, etc.) Again, you’re assigned a color when you get your ticket, and that color corresponds to one of the pirates. And everyone gets a colored headband. Not too different from those Drazi scarves.

Found on a corner in Buena Park:

Sign proclaiming: Now - Beer Tortilla

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d need one of those Sam Adams Smoothies before I ate a beer tortilla.

Then there was this truck parked across the street:

MMM Carpet

Now, primed with the beer tortillas, what comes to mind? <Homer Simpson voice>: “Mmm…carpet!” And from there, it’s a short leap to…well, licking carpet. At this point, whether you get the joke should tell you how dirty your mind is.

Some recent bizarre-but-true spam subjects:

Dinky $ch001girl$ of the universe

Obviously trying to avoid keyword filters (not that it helped), but come on—“dinky?” When was the last time you saw that applied to a person? And what exactly is a “schoolgirl of the universe?” It sounds like a new anime series or something, with schoolgirls and jet packs, roaming the galaxy to defeat evildoers.

trill boxing

It’s the fight of the 24th Century! In this corner: Curzon Dax! In this corner: Odan! Who will win? All I know is it won’t be my free time; when I looked up the names, I found Memory Alpha, a Star Trek wiki with waaay too much info. And there’s all kinds of stuff that’s happened since I stopped watching in the mid-1990s.

It lets a woman ride you like you’ve never been ridden before!

Sent to a spamtrap with a woman’s first name. Sure, you’ll reach a few who might be interested, but statistically speaking you’re better off targeting men. Or, if you take it literally instead of figuratively, horses. Last I looked, though, there weren’t too many horses with email. Unless you count pwnies, I suppose.

The recent controversy over Star 98.7’s decision to drop their morning talk show (since reversed) and try out a new format brings up one of those great mysteries of the ages: Why do so many radio stations play the same small list of songs over and over?

I understand the desire to play popular songs frequently, since it should improve ratings. I know record labels still pay radio stations to make sure their songs get played, even though it’s technically illegal. (They use intermediaries these days, but I don’t think anyone’s fooled.) But it seems to me that there must be a limit to the effectiveness of playing the same song over and over.

Heck, even Star, masters of the binge-and-purge playlist, got pissed off at Ryan Seacrest once when he played the same song 5 or 6 times in a row. This was probably 3 or 4 years ago, and I caught a few minutes of him saying that he didn’t understand what management was so upset about. “They’re always telling us to support the music,” he said.

Is that what it takes? Playing the same songs 10 times a day is OK, as long as no one song gets played 10 times in a row? Even though it takes up time that could be used to play more songs that might, radical as this might sound, get listeners interested in a new artist or album? That they might actually go out and buy?

In the late 1990s there were several LA-area radio stations that would play deep cuts off an album—songs that hadn’t been released as singles—or the album versions of songs that had. All gone. A few years ago, there was a station that had a policy of no repeats between 9am and 5pm. Gone.

Is it just the push toward the lowest common denominator, spurred on by the rise of giant radio conglomerates? (Clear Channel owns a huge chunk of LA radio.) Maybe. There’s a lot more room on satellite radio, and whenever I’ve been in a store or restaurant that plays satellite radio, I start hearing those album cuts and songs other than the Top 40 of a genre.

Of course, the way cable TV has gone—with former niche networks branching out for that lowest common denominator, giving rise to the lament of 500 channels and nothing on—this may be only a temporary renaissance. The same cycle of homogenization seems to hit all media, turning vitality into banality over and over.

Sports bar and grill advertising 'Cinco de Drinko'

Now there’s someone who has their priorities lined up. You can tell they’ve got a deep understanding of the true meaning of the holiday. Forget all that Mexican military victory stuff—it’s all about getting drunk on tequila and cervezas.

Actually, now that I think about it, that probably is more or less how most Americans celebrate May 5. The northeast has St. Patrick’s Day. The southwest has Cinco de Mayo. Suddenly, the similarities between the Irish and Mexican flags have taken on an entirely new significance.

As for this event, I think I would’ve gone with “Drinko de Mayo.” It fits the original phrasing better. But as Katie pointed out, that sounds too much like drinking mayonnaise—not something that’s going to bring in too many customers.

Scott Pilgrim vol. 3 Front CoverAfter seeing it recommended on several blogs (sorry, I can’t remember which ones), I eventually tracked down the first book of Scott Pilgrim. It was great fun—a wonderful balance of comedy, drama, and sheer post-video-game absurdity—and I immediately went out and got volume 2. Then I started watching for volume 3, which was supposed to come out early this year.

The scheduled date came and went. For about a month, I would walk into the comic store each week and ask whether Scott Pilgrim volume 3 was out. After a while I didn’t even have to ask. All that anyone knew was that it was behind schedule. Way behind.

So I started checking the website from time to time. Nothing, then nothing, then more nothing… so I checked less and less often… until tonight, I found a note that not only is volume three done, it’s at the printers, tentatively scheduled for May 24!

Plus, there’s a book scheduled for Free Comic Book Day, which is coming up on Saturday. (Yes, you can walk into a participating comic store this weekend and get a free comic book.)

I’m sure this is just like the Animaniacs DVDs that everyone seemed to know about before I did, but just in case anyone missed the announcement…

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